The hardest thing to learn in life is which bridge to cross and which to burn. ~ David Russell
Boy, have I got a bad case of "I-don't-give-a-darn" today. Too bad, too: the sun is shining, it's warm and beautiful... I saw a rabbit by the birdbath this morning when I opened the blinds. It's a great day for taking a walk and for counting my blessings.
And all I can focus on is being fat.
I had my weight support group last night, and I was back to weighing what I did at the first of the year. I know from having done this before that I'm farting around, not really committing to losing weight. We talked about this last night, and Oprah has said it many times: it all comes down to the decision to lose weight.
I've been conducting a bit of an experiment these last two weeks. I wanted to try focusing on the walking and not on the food. But this past week, I haven't focused on anything other than eating whatever/whenever I wanted. I felt the results in my body and, more importantly, in my spirit long before I stepped on the scale last night.
I am so tired of having weight be the thing that defines me, the issue that shapes my entire life. I've fought this since I was a child and, with the exception of the two years I was thin after losing 50 pounds with Weight Watchers, I've lived my whole life as an overweight woman. I am trying to decide if I want to live whatever years I have left, beating myself up over the same issue.
Is it really possible to change my focus, to put my emphasis on walking for good health (and for Alaska!) and not worry about what the scale shows? Can I truly feel comfortable in saying, "I am an overweight woman and I love myself just as I am." Would it be possible to stop worrying about what I'm eating day in and day out, and simply enjoy the rest of my life?
I sure don't have the answers this morning, but I know that I'm awfully tired of dealing with the questions.
I am a quilter, a gardener, a reading tutor for adults, and a woman who is trying to get healthy once again. I'm a voracious reader, an enthusiastic bird-watcher, and a happily-married wife and stepmother of four. I'm 50-something and deal everyday with perimenopausal fuzzy-headiness, hot flashes, and a memory full of huge holes! Through it all, I try to keep my chin(s) up because attitude really does change everything. Welcome to my blog!