Monday, February 4, 2008

Do I Believe in Myself?

In the province of the mind,
what one believes to be true either is true
or becomes true. ~ John Lilly

Diana over at Scale Junkie posed an interesting question today, one that's really got my wheels turning: Do you believe in yourself?

If you had asked me that question a year ago, the answer would have been a loud and resounding YES! I was struggling with my weight, certainly. But I was filled with self-confidence about starting my own motivational speaking business, writing a book, etc. I believed that I could do anything I set my mind to.

Today, not so much.

Gaining back all fifty pounds I'd lost certainly plays a part in things, but I don't think that's the complete answer to why I no longer think I can conquer the world. So what happened? Where did that confident person go?

I turned 50 last year, and as silly as it sounds to write it down, that took the wind out of my sails in a big way. More of my life was behind me than in front of me. But instead of letting that thought galvanize me into action, I've allowed myself to feel old.

It doesn't help that I've got the perimenopausal fuzzy head that affects so many of us at this age. I forget things all the time: simple things, like the time a quilting class starts or what time I should be at a doctor's appointment. I've never been a pretty woman, but I've always known I could count on my mind, my intellect, my ability to organize and reason and be a confident leader. Not any more -- or at least, not right now.

Perhaps it's all part of some kind of mid-life crisis that's still going on. I keep asking myself what's really important? What truly matters in the big scheme of things. Is it a number on the scale or the size of clothing in my closet? I don't think so. But is it about being able to go hiking with my husband, or to one day be able to chase around the grandchildren that I hope will come along? That's what this healthy journey has become about for me.

So, do I believe in myself? I can only softly say a small "kind of" today. But I'll keep working on the issue so that I can hopefully one day yell a loud, YOU BET I DO!

Until next time...


Hanlie said...

I look at your picture and I see wisdom and radiance. A spirited go-getter! I know you can find that within you again. It's not gone! You're not a "kind of" type of person. This journey is so much about getting real and being living authentic lives.

Good luck!

Scale Junkie said...

You have to find a little bit of belief and use it to build a sturdy foundation of belief that will carry you through all of lifes up and downs. I agree with Hanlie, your wisdom and radiance shines through in your picture.

Lora said...

I can relate...turning 50 did a number on me too... The old mid-life crisis thing reared it's ugly head and I suddenly found myself reminsicing the past and wondering how it sped by so fast without me noticing it! I think that's why my resolve is so strong right now to get back in shape and be healthier. Time waits for none of us...

Ready Maid said...

Hey, Patti,
I've just found your blog today, and I've already added it to my blogroll. I'm 52, and share many of your thoughts. Let's encourage each other!