Feeling Hopeful

A woman is like a tea bag.
You never know how strong she is
until she gets into hot water. ~ Eleanor Roosevelt

First, I must tell you how overwhelmed I am by the outpouring of support I received from my "meltdown" post. Thank you to every one of you who took time to write some of the kindest, most compassionate words I've ever read.

I am feeling much better about this journey, and took some good steps yesterday to set my feet on the path to being well. The first step was getting rid of the unhealthy food I have allowed back into my life. The full container of ice cream (the real stuff) went down the garbage disposal, followed by two containers of full-fat/full-sugar coffee creamer (which I love, but I seem to drink more creamer than coffee in the morning.) I packed up the cookies, chips, and crackers, and sent them to work with hubby. His staff will gobble them up.

The next action step yesterday was writing down what I ate. As much as I fight doing this, I'm always amazed by the sense of calm I feel when I do it. Maybe it's a feeling of control? Maybe it's about focus? Whatever it is, it helps me to see what I've put in my mouth. I worked on adding more fruits and veggies into my day (who can say no a tomato picked fresh from the garden?) My food day was not "perfect," and I'm ok with that because it's one heckuva lot better than the day that preceded it!

One step, one day at a time.

* * * * *

When I led Weight Watcher meetings, I used to give away to my members a little bookmark I'd made with the ABC's of Successful Weight Loss. I think it applies to any goal we've set for ourselves, any time we're trying to make positive changes. I'm listing my thoughts here from three years ago, to remind me of what that smart woman back then knew:

Accept responsibility for your choices and actions.

Believe that you're worth the time and the effort.

Commit and don't quit until your dreams come true.

Here's to all of us living lives of good health and joy!

Until next time...

I Need Help

Eating everything you want is not that much fun.

When you live a life with no boundaries,

there’s less joy. ~ Tom Hanks

First: For those of you who entered, I’ll be announcing the winner of my contest at some point this week. I promise!

* * * * *

I am the queen of a positive attitude. I believe with all my heart that how we think about the world becomes how we experience the world. So I try to always look at the good in every situation, to smile at others so they'll pass it along to someone else, to stay optimistic.

Well, the queen is having an attitude meltdown and needs some help.

I have issues with food. Some people can’t handle alcohol; others can’t handle gambling. Some people turn to drugs for comfort, others run up their credit cards.

Me? I eat. Waaaay too much. Food becomes little green monster that rules my life.

This is not news. I've had this problem since I was a child. But what continues to surprise me, at the ripe old age of 51, is that I still abuse food - even though I know better. I know it never meets my needs; I know it causes my body tremendous harm. I know these things, yet I eat food that's bad for me, and way too much of it.

I have GERD - you know, that condition they call acid reflux? It gets worse as I gain weight and right now, it's the worst it's ever been because my weight is the highest it's ever been. I had a bad attack at 2:00 this morning, and as I sat here desperate to breathe without the burning, sipping baking soda water to neutralize the acid in my esophagus, I just kept thinking, "Why? Why do you do this? Why did you eat that big steak for dinner, knowing this could happen?"

I have spent my entire life as an overweight person. The only time I have been at a normal weight was when I lost 50 pounds with Weight Watchers a few years back. It took me two years to lose the weight (I had many lessons to learn!) and I kept it off successfully for a little over two years. Then I gained it all back within seven months, and gradually have put on another 15 pounds. I say this only to put things into context...

I know I can lose the weight. I did it once; I can do it again. But what's taken the place of my usual positive attitude in this instance is cynicism. There is a voice inside me that says, "Why bother trying: you're just going to gain it all back again."

Does that sound familiar to anyone?

I hit a wall at 2:00 this morning. It’s time to make changes back to the things that used to feel so good. I loved walking every day; I loved searching out new fruits and veggies to try. I loved watching my medications disappear one by one, as I got more and more healthy (the pill for GERD was the first to go.) And I loved having the energy to live the kind of life I enjoy. I do NOT want to make this journey about the number on the scale. I want it to be about vigor and health, about having the strength to embrace and experience life as I want to live it.

I am humbled once again by how hard this process is. When I lost those 50 pounds, I think I got cocky and felt that I’d never gain them back. Hell, I was an enthusiastic and insightful Weight Watcher leader: I had all the answers! I had done tremendous internal work about why I overate – I was cured!

But I’m not cured, and I never will be.


(sigh) The journey begins once again.


Until next time…

Freedom Isn't Free

Seek freedom and become captive of your desires.

Seek discipline and find your liberty.

~ Frank Herbert

I finished my training to teach adults to read last week, and now I’m jumping through the hoops required in order to tutor through the country probation offices. One of those hoops is getting fingerprinted, as part of a background check they’ll do on me. I had to go up to the juvenile justice center yesterday, and it was an interesting experience. After I filled in the paperwork, they asked me to take my purse back to my car and lock it up. They then led me through a maze of locked doors, into the fingerprinting area. There were doors all around marked "holding cell." As we were finishing, two officers brought in a young man in hand cuffs and made him stand facing one of the doors until we left. He looked so young. I wondered what he'd done.

I just kept thinking of that expression, "Freedom isn't free." Usually we think of that in terms of those who bravely defend our country. But there are prices those of us at home pay for freedom, as well. One of them is following the law. If you can't do that, then you lose your liberty. I can't imagine how it felt to be that young man, facing a cell and whatever the future holds for him.



But there are other prices we pay to be free. No matter what we want in life, we must give up something to get it. I’m thinking in terms of personal freedom here, of making our lives better. And I’m not preaching: this is a lesson I’m thinking about a great deal and am taking very personally today.

If you want to own a home, you have to pay the price of going without the extras so you can pay your bills on time and build your credit. If you don’t want to smoke any more, you have the pay the price of withdrawal until the cravings go away (the good news is that they will go away: it’s 20 years and counting since I smoked!) If you want to live at a healthy weight, you've got to pay the price by committing to the hard and continuous work it takes to get there and stay there.

The greater the value of what you want personally, the greater the sacrifice you will have to make. There are no short cuts, no detours.

Freedom isn’t free. There is a price to be paid if we want to make our lives better. But more importantly, there is a price that will be paid if we do nothing and leave things as they are.

Happy Fourth of July, everyone. Let freedom ring!


Until next time...

The Party's Over

If you don't like something change it;

if you can't change it, change the way

you think about it. ~ Mary Engelbreit

My portion of the Summer Blog Party 2008 is over. The Par-Tay with Attitude! contest is officially closed. Thank you to everyone who entered.

But this doesn't mean people can't continue to post about how attitude makes a difference when you're trying to make positive changes in your life. It's a subject I find fascinating, so I hope you'll let me know if you decide to write something. There may not be a prize involved for focusing on the positive, but the personal rewards are immeasurable.

That being said, there are three more entries in the contest that you've gotta check out!

Nana Karen at Never 2 Many Quilts posted about how attitude made a difference when she was diagnosed with breast cancer. Wow! She's a seven-year survivor so I think she knows what she's talking about!

Manuela at A New Decade took time out between running and gardening to write a thoughtful post about how a positive attitude has made a huge difference in this new phase of her life. Happy Canada Day to you, girl!

And finally, dear Rebecca at Ready Maid got in under the wire last night with a great post about why her attitude is making a difference in her weight loss journey this time around. "My body manifested my thoughts." I love that phrase!

Now comes the hard part: choosing a winner. I'm going to take a few days to read over each post again before I make a decision. That also gives me time to work on the runner a bit more (sneaky, eh?) I spent time on Saturday with friends, who helped me pick out the fabric for the borders. Wait until you see it: no one will ever be able to say the runner isn't bright and cheerful!



Happy July, everyone! I'm kind of a patriotic sap, so I love this time of year. Back home in Utah, it's a month long celebration of spirit and pride. We'd start the month with the traditional Fourth of July festivities, but the 24th of July marked the arrival of the Mormon pioneers into the Salt Lake valley. It was (and still is) a huge celebration (whether you're Mormon or not) of statehood, country, mom and apple pie!

I know things are rough right now in our country: high gas prices, high food prices, the mortgage mess, flooding and/or wildfires (depending on where you live) not to mention a divisive presidential campaign. Let's all do what we can to help one another get through this, and continue to focus on all that's good in our lives. I believe with all my heart that if we seek out the positive, that's what we'll find because attitude really does change everything!


Until next time...

Projects

When you go the extra mile,

you are seldom delayed by a traffic jam. ~ Zig Ziglar

The deadline is fast approaching for the Par-tay with Attitude! Summer Blog Party contest, but there's still time to enter. The rules are simple: write a post on your blog about why and how attitude makes a difference when you're working to live a healthy lifestyle. Link your post back to my blog, and you're entered: it's that easy!

My favorite entry will win a quilted table-topper I'm creating out of the fun fabrics pictured above. Talk about a bright reminder to eat your fruits and veggies every day! The last day to enter is Monday, June 30th, so put on your thinking caps and and answer one question: does attitude really change everything?

* * * * *

As you can see by the photo above, I've just started on the table runner project. I've been busy the last two weeks working on an altogether different kind of endeavor. This is what my back yard looked like for a few days...

No, I haven't gone into the hardware business! I've been creating awards to thank my fellow Master Gardener volunteers.

Last night was our annual Volunteer Recognition dinner. I was approached by the organization's volunteer coordinator to think up and create some fun awards - light-hearted things that would still make note of each person's valuable contribution to the program. She and I sat down and did some brainstorming over her list of people she wanted to recognize. There were about two dozen awards in all. The spray-painted items above turned into the following:

The Golden Trowel Award, for service above and beyond.

The Sterling Communicator Award, for the people who handle all our internal email.

The Golden Nozzle Award, for a couple of folks who faithfully water the gardens at the farm where the Master Gardener program is based.

We shared a yummy dinner in the big red barn, did a little organizational business, then heard a fascinating talk about the revival of Victory Gardens around the country (given the high price of fuel, which is driving the cost of food sky-high, their resurgence makes perfect sense, doesn't it?) We then handed out the awards. I think everyone was pleased: it's always good to be recognized for going the extra mile. And I was thanked with a gift of darling tote bag. That was a nice surprise!

I have to be honest, though: I'm glad that project is behind me. Now I can go back to what I love doing most: quilting!


Until next time...

Life Goes On

How lucky I am to have something

that makes saying goodbye so hard.

~ Carol Sobieski and Thomas Meehan, Annie

My oldest stepdaughter Katie is settled into her new home in San Jose. She's pictured above with her boyfriend Devin, in front of the house they're renting. It's a cute place, perfect for them for now.

It felt like a long drive home, knowing that the house would be empty when we got here. But I was looking forward to making one stop along the way. We pulled off in Arroyo Grande, so I could visit my favorite little store, Susan Branch's Heart of the Home.

Guess what? They're closed on Sundays!

I stood outside with my nose pressed against the window, looking at all the lovely items I couldn't buy (which was probably for the best, given my melancholy mood!) The store is three hours away from my home, so it's not like I can go there whenever it strikes my fancy. I was so disappointed.

So it felt all the more special yesterday when I found at my door a package from my "sister" Marci:

She had sent this charming book by Susan Branch, filled with recipes and Branch's darling illustrations and stories. It's out-of-print, but Marci found a copy and knew I would cherish it. I've been taking my time, reading it slowly and savoring every page. Thank you, Sis!

So now that the move is over, life goes on...

I did some grocery shopping yesterday. The young man placed my purchases into plastic bags and I happily headed out to my car. I opened my trunk and what did I see?

THE CLOTH GROCERY BAGS I WAS SO EXCITED TO USE!


I swear, sometimes I'd forget my head if it wasn't attached. So now I have a cloth bag on the passenger seat of my car, to remind me to take the darn things into the store next time I go.

Katie may have moved out, but her stepmom still has a memory like Swiss cheese!

Until next time...

Life Is Good

While we try to teach our children all about life,

Our children teach us what life is all about.

~ Angela Schwindt

I've had another entry in the Par-tay with Attitude! Summer Blog Contest. Wonderfully creative Jill at Life with Nature Girl has written a terrific post about choosing one's attitude. I especially love that she's passing these ideas on to her child, the darling little "nature girl" mentioned in the blog's title. Check out Jill's post, and maybe pick up the book she mentions next time you're in the market for a good children's story. Keep scrolling through until you see some of the photos of that sweet little girl.

I hope you're thinking about what you want to write, so you can enter the contest. I'm working slowly but surely on creating the quilted table runner. Those fruit and veggie fabrics are so much fun to work with! See the details here.

* * * * *

Well, only one more day until my oldest stepdaughter moves out. Not only out, but away! I mentioned in a previous post that she's moving to San Jose, which is about six hours north of here. Not too bad, I know: at least she'll still be in the same state! I finally finished her quilt, the one I started last year and hoped to complete by her January birthday. HA! I almost made that deadline, all but the binding. When I knew she was moving, I vowed to get it all done so she could take it with her. Here's a photo:


I wish you could see the detail in the fabrics she chose: the purple batik is especially pretty. And no, I didn't do the quilting: I had a long-arm quilter do it.

Now, can anyone give me suggestions on how to take better photos of my quilts?? They're just not an easy thing to photograph!

I guess I'm feeling a little melancholy, now that the last daughter is leaving home. But I have to tell you just what a lucky woman I am. I could never have children of my own, so the good Lord brought into my life a man who had four children, three of whom had lost their mother when they were very young. I've never tried to take their mom's place, but I sure feel fortunate to be able to share with them all the maternal feelings I have inside. Sometimes that includes wanting to strangle them (and I'm sure the feeling is, at times, mutual!) But most often, what I feel for them is love, pure and simple. I consider myself incredibly blessed to be where I am today.

Life is good!


Until next time...