Tuesday, March 11, 2008

A Sense of Peace

In the depth of winter I finally learned that
there was in me an invincible summer. ~ Albert Camus

Have you ever experienced that feeling of knowing that something about you has changed? It's almost as if you can feel something click, and you know that things inside you are different. I've had this feeling a couple of times these last few days.

The best way I can describe it is to say that I feel like my winter is over.

Turning 50 last year really did a number on my head. I'm rather embarrassed to admit that because it sounds so clich├ęd. But darn, if it isn't true! I turn 51 this month, and it's time to move on from the introspection of this past year, and get on with my life.

I don’t have a clear feeling yet of where this will take me, but I have a much stronger sense of what I don't want to do. I don’t want to squander so much of my energies on things like the computer and the television. I don’t want to feel stressed and over-extended (and I'm the only one who can control that!) Most importantly, I don’t want to waste time beating myself up -- about anything. I've done that for as long as I can remember, and I'm over it.

The winter of my discontent has ended (with apologies to Shakespeare!) Turning 50 made me face the reality that I have more years behind me than I have in front of me. So if not now, when? I choose to spend whatever precious time I have left doing good where I can and finally feeling at peace with myself.

Until next time...


Felicia said...

Sounds like you are making your way into the light. I spent many years feeling like it was "winter" glad to be moving into "Spring" myself lol.

Hope you have a wonderful "Spring" feeling week!


Grumpy Chair said...

Your post really spoke to me. I have been feeling like I am coming out of "winter" though I could never phrase it as beautifully as you did.

I plan to blog about it soon, maybe tomorrow about coming out of probably a mild depression.

Stephanie said...

I've had that weird feeling of "wow, life is almost half over" lately quite a bit, so I can relate. I think, what the hell have I really done with my life? It's scary when you really face your mortality and consider what's behind you and what's in front of you! Sounds like you've got the right attitude, though! Best of luck and have a great week.

Hanlie said...

That is one of my favourite quotes and I'm glad that you could put into words so eloquently what exactly it means to you. This post resonates with me on so many levels. Until recently I've had the uneasy guilt that I've squandered half my life, that I'm still waiting for my life to begin. It's only lately that I've begun to realize that I am the author of my life story, and boy, am I writing it now!

Great post, and great picture!

Kathy said...

I'm approaching the other end of the 50's spectrum and it really does make you realize how important "today" is and I, too, am always mindful of "If not now, When?"

Ready Maid said...

Us 50-something's have got to stick together, Honey. Simon de Beauvoir said, "One is not born a woman; she becomes one."

Simple Abundancehas been one of my favorite books to help guide my own journey to authenticity.

You've certainly got the goods.

Cammy said...

Ah, Pattie, my sister! I so understand that magical "click". Maybe it has something to do with age (I'm 50 this year), or maybe it's simply wisdom, but there is some sort of click moment when it all comes together. I'm so happy we're clicking along together! :)

Lora said...

I turn 51 this year too - in June. You have a good perspective on things and your quote at the top of the post is one ofmy favorites!

This decade will be awesome for us!

RunningNan said...

When is your birthday?

Scale Junkie said...

You know I've been thinking along the same lines. I feel like I've wasted so much of my life already, I need to make the most of the time I have left and the time I have left won't be wasted.

Your post was just beautiful. You truly have a gift with words!

Nicole said...

Yay for you!!

I've been feeling very similarly. That I'm changing quite a bit and things will no longer be the same (thank God).

~Patty~ said...

Your entry really struck a chord within me. I turned 50 last summer and I've been losing sleep over it ever since. I've been dealing with so many issues in my life including trying to keep things simple.

Beautiful post...thanks.

Katherine said...

Wow who knew turning 50 would be a turning point in my life too. I lost my father a few weeks ago, 3 days before my 50th to alcoholism. I didn't have a problem with turning 50, but when my father died I realized I was on the same path but with food. I just came here to catch up on some of the topics, and it is like many of us have had the same sort of awakening. I guess we do have to hit rock bottom or come to that fork in the road where we just know our life must change. I have a sense of calm I have never had before and I think it is because I know I want to live. And now being healthy is not a chore it is something I really want! Pattie we are in tune because we have birthdays the same month so Happy Birthday my friend and here is to us both having our best emotional year ever!