Goodbye to the Halls of Justice

I'm convinced that every boy, in his heart,

would rather steal second base

than an automobile. ~Tom Clark

Today is my last day to serve as a federal grand jury member. It’s hard to believe so much time has gone by: I’ve been doing this every Friday since February. How is it possible that we’re now in the middle of June?

The good news is that for whatever reason, they’re releasing us early. We were supposed to serve until August. I sure won’t miss getting up at 0-dawn-hundred on Friday mornings, or that nasty freeway drive into Los Angeles, and coming home in Friday afternoon traffic.

But what I will miss are the people with whom I’ve served. This experience really bonded a number of us, and we look forward to seeing each other every week. I don’t even know their last names…

There’s Alex, who twice brought me blood oranges from the tree in his back yard, and Bill, who works as a location manager for the television industry. He has the quickest sense of humor: we keep each other laughing! Then there's Betty, who will retire next year after 35 years of teaching second grade; Kenny, a tall, skinny dude who lives in Compton, and always asks about whatever hand-quilting project I've brought with me that week. Ben is quiet and thoughtful, sings in a band and has bright-red spiked hair; Alison, who is doing Weight Watchers and has lost 60 pounds, works at Disneyland, in the shops on Main Street.

Our group of 24 (the amount required for a federal grand jury) really is a cross section of America: young and old; black, brown, white; male and female; seemingly wealthy to seemingly not-so. We're an interesting mix, and I will miss seeing them.

We’ve also heard our fair share of note-worthy cases, everything from counterfeiting and bank robbery, to passport fraud and assault on a postal worker (which is a federal crime – who knew?) The child pornography cases were few and far between, which was a blessing. Those were the worst. The drug cases were numerous, and almost got boring in their repetitious nature. But I have to share one with you that made our day last Friday. It’s a little crass, but it’s all true!

We only had two cases that morning, both of them drug cases. In the second one, the defendant had crack cocaine in his pockets, and he was trying to hide it before he was arrested. The United States Attorney was questioning the D.E.A. witness and asked (and I quote), "Isn't it true that the defendant tried to hide the packets of crack between his butt checks, in his anal canal?" The agent somberly answered, "Yes."

Do you have ANY idea how hard it was for all of us to keep from laughing out loud? You should have heard the eruption when the attorney and the agent left the room so we could deliberate. I mean, crack in the crack?? It doesn't get much better than that!

And on that note folks, I’m off to serve my last day!

Until next time…

If You Fail to Plan...

How am I going to live today in order to create

the tomorrow I'm committed to? ~ Anthony Robbins

Boy, did I blow it yesterday.

I had jury duty in Los Angeles, and I was running late (one too many hits of the snooze button!) I debated for a nano-second about making something healthy to take with me, but decided against it. Maybe today would be a short day, I reasoned, and I could come home early to fix myself a good lunch.

That didn't happen. It was a very long day in court.

It was also a day when several of us brought goodies to snack on. There were bagels and cream cheese from two fellow jurors, granola bars from another, chocolate Easter eggs from yet another. Luckily, I had brought apples and string cheese for the gang.

An apple and a string cheese just aren't enough to get through the day.

So you can guess what happened. I started nibbling, thinking, "just one won't hurt." I even kept track, mentally calculating how many Points I was consuming so I could write it all down. Five chocolate eggs, one granola bar, and apple and a string cheese. Not too bad. But not enough.

When they finally released us late in the afternoon, I was that dangerous combination of tired and very hungry. When I got on the freeway and found wall-to-wall traffic, I added "anxious" to my list of feelings. All during the 1 1/2 hour drive home, I kept reminding myself that I had stuff at home to make a lovely salad: chicken that I had precooked, spinach, an apple to add in along with a little feta cheese. So yummy!

But the more I sat in traffic, the more I thought how much easier fast food would be, and where I could turn off soonest, and what could I eat in the car.

Long story short, my tired, anxious hunger won out and I stopped at Taco Bell.

I share this with you because I know you've all been there. We "give in" and then we beat ourselves up and cry, "What's wrong with me? Why can't I be strong, like every body else? I'll never be able to do this!" Well, guess what? We're not weak, nor do we lack self-discipline. It's not about being strong: it's about planning.

One of the biggest lessons I learned when I lost weight the first time was to never let myself get too hungry. If I do, then all reasoning goes out the window. Our bodies need fuel every couple of hours, and I didn't take time to plan for that fact yesterday.

The good news is that it's over. It's behind me. It doesn't matter that I blew my Points: that was yesterday. Believe me, guilt over what we ate in the past ends up costing so many more calories in the long run, if we let it.

So, as a very wise former Weight Watcher colleague of mine used to say,

Count it as a vegetable, and move on!

Until next time...

Hooray for Hollywood!

There are only two ways to live your life:
One is as though nothing is a miracle;
The other is as though everything is a miracle.

~ Albert Einstein

Ladies and gentlemen: the story you are about to hear is true. Only the names have been changed to protect the innocent...

Does that line sound familiar to you? I think of it every Friday when I'm in Los Angeles for grand jury duty. You see, the United States Courthouse sits right next to Los Angeles City Hall, pictured above. So as I'm walking toward the court house, I can't help thinking of the old TV series "Dragnet," and its lead character, Joe Friday.

Da da dum dum. Can't you just hear the opening notes of the theme song? :-)

I live 50 miles outside of LA, in a fairly quiet suburban area. Ventura County is known for its agriculture, not its traffic jams (although we have our share of those, too.) Living this far away from LA is blessing, but it makes for a nasty commute once a week for jury duty. So I've decided to try and look on the bright side of my weekly early morning drive.

First, I'm up and at 'em before the sun comes up, and I get to see it rise as I drive toward the San Fernando Valley. I make sure to play lovely classical music at that point, to help set the tone for welcoming the light. But once that sun is shining, I switch to rock and roll oldies, and away I go!

I've only lived in California for nine years, coming from Salt Lake City, Utah. So I am still dazzled by all things Hollywood. And I see many of them on my drive every Friday morning. There's the exit to Universal Studios on my left, and the exit for the Hollywood Bowl on my right. Then as I round a curve, I can see that famous round Capital Records building on my right, the recording home of many of my favorite groups when I was a kid (like the Beach Boys, and the Beatles. Ah, Paul, I'm so glad you dumped Heather!)

When I exit the 101, I drive by the Walt Disney Concert Hall, the Dorothy Chandler Pavilion, and the Mark Taper Forum. Heck, I can even see the celebrated Hollywood sign when I look out the window of the grand jury room.

Yes, my drive into LA takes a little over an hour, and my drive home takes just as long. I could be an old grouch about it (and sometimes, I am!) but I try to make it enjoyable by getting into a tourist's mindset. It's a small miracle that I am seeing and doing what some people only dream of experiencing.

Now, if I could only get Paul McCartney to call me...

* * * * *

A big HUG to all of you who sent good wishes for my birthday. I had a great day - thank you! And many grateful thanks to Diana at Healthy You Challenge for giving one of my posts a shout out. You rock, girl!

Until next time...

True Confessions

Learn to... be what you are, and learn to resign

with a good grace all that you are not.

~ Henri Frederic Amiel

I used to be a Leader for Weight Watchers.

There - I've said it!

That's really a hard thing for me to tell people. I imagine what they must think when they look at me now. I mean, I wear my failure at my former job on the outside for all the world to see.

I'm really hard on myself when it comes to this issue, in case you couldn't tell. I would never, ever be this critical of another person in the same situation. But inside of me, there's a voice that says, "You should know better. You were a successful WW Leader."

And I was successful: I led thirteen meetings every week, reaching over 300 people. I helped numerous people learn to believe in themselves and reach their goal weight. Most important to me: I helped people realize that attitude effects every area of our life, including -and perhaps, most critically - this weight loss journey. If you think you can do a thing or think you can't do a thing, you're right. (Henry Ford)

I believe all of that in my heart of hearts. Which is why it's so hard to run into a former member of mine, as I did yesterday. I was doing my duty as a federal grand juror: she was a witness on one of the cases we were hearing. The first feeling I had was of shame and wanting to run away before she saw me. Then the adult in me took over. I had to remind her who I was. Now, to be fair, it's hard sometimes to remember people when they're out of the context of where we usually see them. But I also know that adding 50 pounds to a body changes its appearance substantially.

I have been overweight my entire life, then I successfully lost weight on the Weight Watchers plan. I went to Leader Training the same week I made Lifetime membership. I spent no time living with myself as a thin person before I became a leader and started focusing on others. Big mistake: I know it and they know it. Now there's a rule that one must be at goal weight for at least six months before becoming a leader.

Before you think I'm blaming WW, I am not. I loved being a leader! I love the program and still believe it's the healthiest, sanest plan out there. Meeting and encouraging all those incredible people week after week has been one of the highlights of my life. But I didn't take the time I should have to experience life as a thin, healthy woman. There was a lesson somewhere along the line that I didn't learn, so life is presenting it to me once again.

So there's my true confession. I am trying hard to let go of the idea that I should know better because of what I used to do for a living, and that's going to take some time and a whole lotta self-love. Twenty years ago, I had to stop smoking twice before it finally clicked and stuck. I will get healthy again, although maybe never as thin as I was when I worked for WW. And that's OK with me.

Until next time...

Doing My Civic Duty

Wisdom is the quality that keeps you from

getting into situations where you need it. ~Doug Larson

A few weeks ago, I was empanelled as a member of the Federal Grand Jury.

Now, this distinction came to me: I did not seek it. I was summoned, just as many of us are summoned to be jurors in our local courts. The difference is that my commitment is for six months, and rather than being one of twelve jurors who decide guilt or innocence, I am one of sixteen people who decide to indict or not to indict.

Yesterday was my first official day, and it was a fascinating experience! We heard six cases, presented by six different attorneys for the United States. We heard witnesses from the FBI, the Bureau of Alcohol, Tobacco, Firearms and Explosives, and a couple of special agents from the State Department. I would tell you the details of what went on, but then I'd have to kill you.

Just teasing, of course. They would kill me, instead.

We are bound to secrecy in all of this, which is difficult for someone like me who loves to share every detail of her life. But I respect the reasons why we can't talk about what we do. Suffice to say that it's an eye-opening experience for this law-abiding citizen (does an occasional speeding ticket count?) As corny as it may sound, I feel honored to be part of the justice system at this high level.

So once a week for the next six months, I will be driving into Los Angeles to wear the hat of a Federal Grand Juror. This will be good for me because I get really nervous driving alone around such a big city. Correction: a HUGE city with some of the worst rush-hour traffic in the country.

I took a wrong turn at the bottom of my exit yesterday and ended up in LA's Chinatown district. But I was very proud of myself: I kept my head and remained calm, weaving my way back to where I needed to be, with time to spare. Next week will be easier, now that I've done it once.

So that's where you'll find me every Friday for the next couple of months: listening to the crazy ways we humans can break our laws, and deciding if that person should stand trial. Until yesterday, I had never actually seen an FBI agent in the flesh.

Funny: they look just like the rest of us.

Until next time...